02 July 2016
My sister and I prayed together. I have no idea what made me share my life journey with her but I am glad I did. My heart was overwhelmed when she was supportive of my calling and was very sure that God is indeed working in my life. At first there were apprehension but Jesus is really too real to deny (:
03 July 2016
I fought a battle with Jesus. For the first time in my 25 years, I sat down with my parents to share with them what was going on. Although I was rudely interrupted even before I could go to the gist of it, I am glad my temper remained calm and I knew God was with me. Hey! God has gone before me all I had to do was to obey and I really felt God smiling when I obeyed to share with my parents!
During the talk, I wrestled with tears. It was the first time sitting down with my parents to talk to them. For the longest time, I had built very thick and high walls against them because of the endless hurts. Every time they do something that made me upset, my first instinct will be to yell and to build another brick to add on to the wall. Day by day, I distanced myself from my family. Home was a place that I hated being and I never felt I could trust anybody from home after the incidence in P4. I think it was only during YMLC 2013 that Pastor Wendy walked through a healing process to speak forgiveness into my past, that I felt I was able to release hurts. Also, only during the first break up that I sent an entire text of anger but gratitude to my family chat. A person who is not able to accept me and my family for who we are, really doesn’t deserve to have me. I think it is only then that I realized that someone worthy is someone who is able to accept me for my past and for my family, whether beautiful or ugly.
The talk had no outcome. Hearts were still very hardened, minds were still shut – sounds like Isaiah 6? I went back to my room feeling very heavy. I know I have obeyed God to do what I have to do, I know He is pleased, I know He will work His ways. Surrender and sleep.
04 July 2016
I didn’t feel ready to face the world back at work. I felt I needed to be alone for awhile longer, away from human interactions yet… I have to be faithful in my current role before the next big task. I did my usual mailing rounds and received a call from a delivery guy, who was apparently outside my house to deliver flowers. I thought to myself it is a prank. Who on earth would send flowers to bless me? It is something I do for others and never the other way. With disbelief, I hung up the phone and continued my work. My dad sent a photo of what was received and wow! It is real! An angel really wanted to bless me! I really really appreciate you for loving me. It really felt like Jesus was loving me and I really almost cried. A friend can love me to send me flowers when I needed encouragement, what more Jesus who love me so very very much to die on the cross for me?! I cannot. I really cannot deal with that amazing love!! *so many really in this paragraph haha!*
05 July 2016
A random thought – actually this whole missions or social concerns movement in me started in secondary school. Why have I been running away for so many years? Most people know that I am in Track and Field for Monday, Wed and Friday. Not many people know I was in Youth Missions on Tuesday with the old folks or in prayer groups – catholic style. I remembered one CCA retreat, there was a sign up for a mission trip to Pattaya (the red light district of Thailand) and I really wanted to go for it but I was young and parents didn’t allow… WOW! I wasn’t even a church goer then. I was only the girl who went to Catholicism classes because I wanted to skip reading class and went followed my best friend to church camp because some dude was cute – WAS. I was the girl who signed up for Trackers thinking it is 3 months CIP programme. Little did I know it was an intensive discipleship programme. LOLOL HI GOD. THIS IS HILARIOUS.