23 May 2016

Work has gotten my heart to ache quite a bit.

So the background happening: This youth was supposed to report to work but did not turn up for his first week of work. He gave countless excuses to explain his disappearance. Apparently he is under supervision, probably from the boys’s home, details of which I am unable to reveal.

What got my heart to ache was that I saw so much potential in that youth, I saw a yearning in his eyes. He smiled a little when someone cracked a joke and from that smile, I saw innocence. I did a couple of research and spoke to some of my friends who are in social work. Somehow, somewhere, I just felt this youth needed help and there is emptiness in him that he needed to know how to fill it up and it is only through God alone. Somehow I felt that he did not show up wasn’t because he doesn’t want to but there are other reasons to it. In my usual state of self doubt, I thought maybe I was thinking too much, maybe I am just naive and decided to pray for him and release it to God. 

The crazy part is that I did not even have interactions with this youth yet I was emotionally invested and why did I cry for someone I do not know? Some times I question my emotions.

My social worker friend did not know anything about my journey thus far and he said this : “You might want to consider doing social work in future haha.. You’ve got a heart for those who are displaced in life”


26 May 2016

I spent the night soaking and when I woke up, I felt rested. It was not that I had enough sleep – I never get enough sleep on weekdays- yet my heart felt lighter and it was smiling.

Three Key Perspectives (taken from the above link by Rev Edmund Chan)

  1. The deepest cry of the soul is for rest.
  2. The deepest longing of the soul is for purpose.
  3. The greatest need of the soul is for re-alignment.

This is the fundamental principle: Our resting in God is accomplished by re-aligning to God. You cannot be in the presence of God and not be aligned to His will, to His purpose and to His calling for your life.

In Matthew 11:28-30, Jesus says “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. 30 For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

The secret of restedness is not in relaxing, realting or reflecting. . . the secret is in re-aligning ourselves with the will of God.

At that point I was already smiling to God and thanking Him for giving me rest… and then an earthquake in my soul happened.

Bea messaged me : “I don’t usually get these kind of convictions but I feel very compelled to tell you that I think you’d be great in missions and I think you will work wonders.
R:” dont talk to me. HAHAHAHAHA STOP SCARING ME”

Bea : ” really!!!!it’s not scary but I feel like it’s something you should do and something that you will feel very fulfilled in doing. you know? I was just scrolling through IG I saw my friend’s work in Kolkata and suddenly you flashed in my head. Embrace it and stop running away. God wants to work through you and in you.
R:” you’ve created an earthquake”
Bea: “8 on the Richter scale?  hahaha I mean I’m pretty sure you don’t have to ACT on it you know what I mean? maybe this is just God’s way of telling you to trust. and I am serious when I say I don’t have these kind of convictions. I don’t have visions and I don’t have actual conversations with God but I feel like I needed to tell you that I think you will do great if you ever find yourself in missions”

Dear God, the more I resist the more You will be in my face right? You really come at the most unexpected timing hor?

27 May 2016

On the way to work, I was reminded to pray for a friend’s dad who was in ICU. I prayed for God’s peace and comfort for the family. I told God that in His time, He will take pain away and bring uncle to be seated with Him. I felt God smiling and I felt His warmth. All that I saw was an old man in bed and God was by His side.

I told my friend that I prayed for his dad that morning. In the afternoon, he messaged that his dad passed on. WOW. God, in Your perfect timing right?

28 May 2016

In the morning I told myself not to go out the entire day to do my school report. Ya right. My itchy body needed to go out and so I went to church that day.

What caught me by surprise is that my Indonesian classmate, whom I shared Christ with in 2009, came to church! I remembered one boring Front Office Management class, she asked if I’m a Christian. I am always pretty shy about sharing Christ and so I just said ‘yea’ – act cool right! In my head I prayed that God would plant a seed in her. I remember one service, I brought her to church and wow. She cried. I was like ‘oh no God please speak to her. I dont know what to say or what to do!!’During internship we had different roster and had fewer interactions but wow! God never fails!!!

Thank You Abba for bringing cintaku back to church and thank you that she even brought a friend! wow there’s really so much wow to this!

That night, I went for the wake and WOW the intensity of God’s presence was so strong. It was so peaceful. Was I the only one who felt that?

What I took back was not horrible thoughts on my own parents’ funeral but the comfort that God in His perfect timing will lead the way. This perfect timing to be born, this perfect timing to meet a trial, this perfect timing to meet a spouse, this perfect timing to be in paradise with Him. *heart jiggle* God, You are so real and You are so gooooood!!

Ecclesiastes 3:11 (NIV)

11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.


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